Have you ever attended an event that doesn’t allow alcohol in but you desperately need it to have fun and are too cheap/lazy to pay for taste-less and overpriced beer (like me)? Then this post is for you!
After extensive research, my friends and I attempted two equally clever (but not equally successful… more on that later) methods of sneaking in fruity vodka to a music festival.
- Alcohol in plastic bags in sunscreen bottle
- Alcohol in water-bottle à la David Copperfield
Our backup had a backup–we were very thorough. Not like it mattered, the security barely glanced into my bag–I literally could have put an entire handle, a gun, and 10 lbs of crack in there and he wouldn’t have cared. Whatever, this is excellent knowledge to have for all future events where you don’t know how extensively you are going to be searched.
Method #1: Sunscreen bottle
What you need:
- sunscreen bottle with a wide opening
- zip-lock baggies
What to do:
- Rinse out the sunscreen bottle as much as possible but no worries if you don’t get it all because you will…
- Fill a plastic bag with about 1 shot (1.5 oz) of vodka
- Lay it flat with the zip part flipped up and carefully push the air out
- Seal it
- Roll up the bag like a burrito and stick it into the sunscreen bottle
- Repeat steps 2-5 until the bottle is filled
This method yields next-to-no alcohol carrying capacity. We fit like 5 shots worth in that bottle because the bags took up so much space. And you will also need
- a straw
because the bags will fucking leak. Good thing our vodka was so cheap and caustic that we couldn’t even taste the remains of the sunscreen when we drank what little we had straight from the bottle.
Lesson learned: Plan ahead and put the sunscreen bottle in the dishwasher and then just fill it with alc. No bags necessary.
Method #2: David Copperfield water bottle
This was 1000x more effective and surprisingly less work than the sunscreen bottle. And I felt like a badass.
- 2 sealed water bottles
- a flat head screwdriver
- boiling water
What to do:
- Cut the top off Bottle #1, straight across from the top of the label
- Place the mangled top in the boiling water for a minute to let it soften
- Holding the edge of the plastic with the pliers, gently wiggle the screwdriver under the sealed cap
- Apply gentle pressure to the cap and twist the bottle until the cap (ring and all) pries off
- Unscrew the cap from Bottle #2 and pry the ring off
- Dump out the water from Bottle #2, fill with VODKA (or other alc of your choosing)
- Screw on the sealed cap (ring and all) and make sure its on there securely
And you end up with a flawless “water” bottle (which smells deliciously like Lemon Pledge). No security guard will ever tell the difference. When I whipped this out in the crowd waiting for The Lumineers, the girl next to me freaked out she was so overwhelmed with the awesomeness.
Check out this link for a better tutorial.
So I spend my weekend in NEW YORK CITY for the universe-blessed music festival that is the Governor’s Ball. We got Sunday-only tickets and thank the sweet baby Jesus we did that because Friday and Saturday were cold and rainy and muddy and miserable (supposedly, we weren’t there so HA) and some of the great bands at the end of Friday didn’t even get to play that night. So that would have sucked. But when we were there, there was no rain, only a few clouds to keep the hot sun away, and the mud had somewhat dried out to a mushy clay. My feet squished in to it to my ankles in some places but my shoelaces were pristine after 12+ hours. My socks weren’t even damp.
The best performance was The Lumineers but I also really enjoyed The Vaccines, Twin Shadow, and Portugal. The Man. Kanye West sucked. We left his act early because our legs were about to give out from standing/dancing for 12 hours. The only time we sat down all day was for a few minutes when we ate yummy grilled cheese sandwiches before Portugal. The Man went on. The rest of the time we had to stand to save our spot in the crowd or listen to the band play. Also the ground was muddy and my shorts were too cute to sacrifice.
It was a wonderful weekend full of marvelous music, delicious dining, and fantastic friends.